Being Truly Free: Making time to be authentically me (Part 3/3)

SIGNALS VS NOISE – INTUITION & INNER RESONANCE

Discovering what you want and what resonates with your true nature only happens, if you are receptive to your own inner signals – or even want to be! To do this, you have to learn to distinguish these true signals from all the external noise. Meditation, retreats, peace and quiet, particularly combined with reflective writing, daily sport, yoga, healthy eating and getting out into greener surrounds, all work wonders here. The pre-frontal cortex, the primary centre of the brain responsible for reflection, problem-solving and creativity, is effectively offline under chronic stress. Instead, survival mode kicks in, and habitual, reflexive responses are activated. which reinforces and hardens such behavioural patterns. Subject to too much stress, especially chronic, and presented with too many problems makes a comprehensive, solution-oriented perspective on your life and said problems incredibly difficult, if not nigh on impossible. If you want to know your true nature, or rid yourself of your anxieties and fears, then stress and pressure have got to go, in order to distinguish the signals from the noise. Let’s face it: Almost everything in life is just pure noise! #fear

Liberating yourself from the binds of stress, breaking down and overcoming fears, and the investment in personal development are essential prerequisites, to inviting real freedom, ease, authenticity and peace of mind into your life. Unfortunately, all too often, the catalyst for this is not self-generated or self-motivated, but rather more likely the result of an external impact (stroke of fate), which ‘forces’ the issue. Although, in such cases, the stress, pressure, fear and obligations are expectedly so massively heightened, that inner resonance, intuition and flow are completely stifled – numbed.  This renders them relatively useless, in the application of trying to find a possible solution, which sucks! How else are you going to discover your true self and what properly meshes with that! Listen up and learn how…

YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO – NOT WHAT YOU SAY

Master of Shadows, psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung, was a huge proponent of this concept, which is why when searching for your identity you need to take a look at your own actions. Actions do not lie. You can discover a lot about yourself – particularly, what profoundly motivates you, what’s important to you… Furthermore, they provide a glimpse into your self-image and worldview, and help you to reflect upon yourself. Confront yourself, your fears, your unlived life, your vision and your deepest desires. Get all up in there, and observe the feelings, thoughts and impulses that are aroused – what do they say about you? Do you like what you see?

Clarify what, in your life, is worth living for, and more importantly, what’s worth dying for? What is greater and more important than yourself and your fragile ego existence? What do you burn for? What are your passions? A person without passion, humour and a sparkle in their eyes is incredibly unsexy, don’t you think?

Establish clarity, and assess your values and principles in all spheres of your life. Take absolute and unconditional responsibility for it all. It’s not always easy – believe me, I know – but it’s the ONLY f*cking way! No one’s coming to save you. It’s all on you – accept it, live it, love it!

In my professional experience, much of my clients’ suffering and problems stem from unresolved inner value conflicts, inner ambiguities, and unaddressed emotions. Essential here is a radical junking out – liquidation – everything must go! Minimally invasive approaches rarely work – too rigid, too entrenched, too complex, too much scorched earth. Sure, you can polish a turd, but it’s still a turd…

Metaphorical question: What would the ‘dance of your life’ look like? You know, the one you’d dance again and again, just for the sake of dancing? #energeia

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls… You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
~Carl Gustav Jung

SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM

A wise (wo)man once said: If you want peace, prepare for war.

This largely means: Create circumstances, in which nothing else is possible, than knowing yourself and growth. Carry out crazy experiments, dive head first into a survival adventure, or go do a retreat and be confined alone in an isolated mountainside cabin on your own, for two, three or four weeks  – no internet, no phone. Take a trip around the world, get to know other people, other lives and other cultures. Experience how people can live on less than five dollars a day. Or, quit your job, and do your own thing. Maybe plan a psychedelic trip in the woods, or spend time in a monastery.

In short: Freely and voluntarily invite the unknown, self-confrontation and a measured loss of control into your life – grow from it. Be vulnerable… and enjoy it! This is where you meet the real you, gain trust in yourself and start living true to yourself. Step outside your comfort zone. #exposure #vulnerabilityisstrength

Too few people, too infrequently, seriously ask themselves who they are and what they really want.  Too many obligations: constant – their whole lives through. All stress and strain, all the time. Scrambling to juggle everything: Job, family, friends, sport, hobbies… Daily life is chockablock! The calendar is full to the brim, with this and that – trying to fit too many meaningless things in all at once. Only pro-hustlers, real workaholics, can achieve supposed success – at least so it seems. Constant self-optimisation, stress and, above all, running away from oneself!

There is, of course, other extreme: Everyone else comes first. I sacrifice myself so completely, and do everything, to be exactly what others want of me. Sound tough? Hand on heart: Did that ring any bells? Then, perhaps you should being asking yourself what you’re actually hoping to achieve – and why? Clear up what ‘being successful’ and ‘being happy’ mean to you.

“The secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is: to live dangerously! Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius! Send your ships into uncharted seas! Live at war with your peers and yourselves!”
~Friedrich Nietzsche

AUTHENTICITY + PROGRESS = HAPPINESS

So what needs to happen, for you to finally be successful and happy? And, please don’t give me those typical clichéd superficial platitudes of family, health and money. Surely, there’s got to be more – more brainpower, more vision, more enthusiasm and more depth.

Many people are just hiding out at home, essentially saving themselves to death. What are they saving up for? A free, authentic and worry-free life isn’t about saving up. What’s the point of having the best physical health, if your heart and soul are empty, longing for the day when you can spring into action and get carried away? How is it good the kids, if mum and dad are always fighting, because they’re unhappy with their life choices?

However, please don’t run out and make the common error of confusing a full briefcase or overflowing appointment book with a fulfilling, successful and happy life. Fear and compromises await! People often accumulate excessive amounts of stress, trying to derive self-worth from their net worth, which they believe buys freedom, as well as status.

Nothing is ever enough for these types – never was, never will be. A bottomless barrel can never be filled. They end up stressing more and more filling the barrel, instead of simply fitting the barrel with an appropriately sized bottom head. Yet, it’s the aforementioned fear and stress of note having ‘enough’ which blinds them to this perspective and insight. So, they continue on in this futile, stressful pursuit – stuck in a rut – until they finally collapse, burnt out. Nature wins!

You’ll never attain true freedom this way – what with all the work stress, day-to-day stress, and not to mention all the unresolved, tormenting personal issues… Sound familiar?

You may want to be a wolf, but often end up castrating yourself – feeling inferior, stressed and all the stress bubbling under the surface – so much so that you merely ressemble a bleating sheep. Remember: too much stress-induced cortisol makes you impotent, and baaaaahhhhhhh.

We humans appear to be the only animals on this planet, who have convinced themselves that it’s a good idea to deny their own nature, to overcompensate and distance themselves from their true sense of being – in exchange for an illusory equivalent of more security, fulfilment and happiness. This means money too, which is often mistakenly equated with success and freedom.

I’m inclined to agree with the American heavy metal band King 810, in ‘I Ain’t Going Back Again’, when they sang:

“Honestly, this is as honest as I’ve been
So I’ll try speaking to the public like we’re friends
Truthfully, I wish the very best for men
But you think freedom is money, well money has an end.”
~ King 810

Not a metal fan, and want a more relatable example?
In his book ’30 Lessons for Living’, the gerontologist Karl Pillemer interviewed a thousand aging Americans, to discover the most important lessons they learned from decades of life experience. He wrote:

“No one – not a single person out of a thousand – said that to be happy you should try to work as hard as you can to make money to buy the things you want.
No one – not a single person – said it’s important to be at least as wealthy as the people around you, and if you have more than they do it’s real success.
No one – not a single person – said you should choose your work based on your desired future earning power.“

Do you honestly think, there’s a single lion out there that would condemn itself for slaying a zebra – and then would go buy refrigerator to keep the hind quarters, in case it can’t find something fresh tomorrow?
Do you honestly think, there’s a single lion out there that, out of fear, would turn vegan, vegetarian or only eat coconuts – since they don’t run away from him and are easier to hunt?
Do you honestly think, there’s a single lion out there that under such circumstances would still be a lion – and a happy one at that?
So, I ask you this: What the actual fuck are YOU doing then?

Fun Fact to lighten the mood – and while we’re on the subject:
Lions are primarily nocturnal hunters. During the day they chill in the shade of trees and bushes, taking extended naps. They sleep up to 22 hours a day – they instinctively know: Fear, stress, hustling and cortisol bring about baaaahhhh. #cleverkittycat

To put it simply: Success is living in accordance with your own nature, and achieving what you set out to achieve. If you repeat this often enough, and see that you’re making progress in your own self-efficacious way, then you’ll make yourself happy. Happiness and fulfilment are not things that can be actively hunted down or forced, but rather natural, serendipitous byproduct of an authentic life, with peace of mind, and at one with the world. For this to happen, of course, it’s crucial to know your own nature, your values and principles – otherwise all you’ll get is coconuts.

TWO CAPPUCCINOS, IF YOU PLEASE…

Before we get to the greatest philosophical problem of all – namely, where to get the best cappuccino under the sun – here’s a short, but sweet, summary of everything so far:

Real freedom, ease and success mean:

• Being authentic and living according to your own nature.
• Having and experiencing clarity, in knowing who you are and what you want.
• Being from of fears and anxiety.
• Being able to maintain your composure when circumstances change.
• Reacting unaffectedly and adaptively to change.
• Trusting yourself and the process.
• Being able to let go and accept change.
• Living a ‘free-to’ life.
• Being free from stress, pressure and obligations.
• Feeling peace of mind, at one with yourself and your past.
• Having time for yourself – and being able to enjoy it with a big fat grin on your face.
• Being able to work remotely, and to love what you’re doing.
• Living where you please.
• Being able to live dancing and die laughing.

And now about that cappuccino…
For several years, I, myself, have been living with no fixed abode – voluntarily homeless, if you will – hand luggage only, minimalist, free to live wherever I please. For the most part, I look after my clients via online coaching sessions, from wherever I happen to be. I travel the world, and stay wherever I like. Walking the talk, all along the way, I’ve looked at all of the above points, and continued working on them – on myself. Doing the work is not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it. For the genuine freedom, authenticity, ease, time and fulfilment I derive from it, I am, at the risk of understatement, massively grateful. Years ago, I could never have even dreamt of my current reality and how it feels. It would’ve seemed impossible – nothing more than a frivolous daydream.

“Having more control over your time and options is becoming one of the most valuable currencies in the world.”
~Morgan Housel

Through my current lifestyle and travels, I’ve encountered many wonderful people, places and moments. I love simple pleasures, such as sitting outside a beautiful café, drinking a good cappuccino, in the sun – one of my little luxuries, if you will. A ritual I’ve enjoyed many times in various countries around the world. And whenever I’m sitting there, alone with my thoughts, people watching, basking in the glow of our nuclear fusion reactor some 150 million kms away, and cogitating on existence and the good life, it becomes abundantly clear to me: Life as we know it is an un-f*cking-believable wonder!

The likelihood of being able to stack 50,000 razor blades on their edges is probably higher and easier to achieve than the fact that our planet ever formed – let alone supporting complex life. And I get to be witness to it, alive, and happily drinking a cappuccino, under the sun. Wow. Goosebumps every time… and inner resonance. #mementomori #stayhumble

And then one day it became crystal clear to me that I could do the exact same thing the next day… and the next… and the next… and then again every day after that, if I wished to. I’d sit in peace and quiet and imagine that if tomorrow were my last day on Earth, I could say, with a big fat grin: “Well then! Once more!” – and want to live it all again in the exact same way. Dear Reader: Could you?

This is exactly what real freedom means to me: Having time, every day, to sit in the sun, drinking a cappuccino – anywhere in the world. Preferably with people I love. Taking the most precious thing I possess – time – and spending a little of it, in all peace and tranquility – without the least bit of stress or any intrusive thoughts about unfulfilled potential. Just loving the moment. Being able to enjoy it, with a big fat grin on my face.

“‘Was that… life?’ I will say to death.
‘Well then! Once more!'”
~Friedrich the Nietzsch-Meister 😉

(Translation into English by Nikki Busuttil)